Ten Signs of Being at One’s Holiday Wits End

I am officially cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

1. Christmas is love, we sang in Sunday school, as I jabbed Russell with a confiscated toothpick for not singing.

2. When said child states they don’t feel well, I respond that they are going to school tomorrow. Example of conversation below.

Me: Russell, you are going to school tomorrow.

Russell: Not if I’m dead.

Me: That’s true. You can stay home if you’re dead.

3. The lights have fizzled put on the lower half of the tree and I think to myself, this is life in a nutshell.

4. I have been wondering if bringing a pitcher of bloody Mary’s to church breakfast prior to the pageant may be frowned upon.

5. Gifts being mailed or left on my doorstep make me think evil thoughts about the people who are so organized. I mean, wtf.

6. I made Christmas cards and realized I forgot the whole “Merry Christmas” part.

7. I signed up for Amazon Prime. I’m so mad at myself as now I will become an overbuying glutton with all that free shipping and access.

8. I am having a bag of hot fries with my coffee.

9. I’ve just ordered $200 worth of humidifiers in hopes that people will not miss any more school due to ailments.

10. It is hardly 6am and Russell has just called Thomas the P word. Russell was taken aback that pussy is in fact a bad word. I suggested just calling him a pussy cat.