1. I’m going to be outside.

Evidently nice clothes don’t mesh with the out of doors.

2. You’re trying to make people think I’m rich.

My own son recently vehemently objected to a button down and accused me of wanting to make him look rich. A resplendent heartfelt display including a stifled seemingly real sob followed by the tearful accusation, “You’re just trying to make me look rich.” I responded by telling him that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard and that he just doesn’t like to button shirts.

3. I feel sick.

Yep, he feels physically ill if forced to wear a button down shirt or any shirt with printed words is perfectly repulsive.

4. I can’t play soccer.

It’s important to be able to play soccer while you’re on church property. Nice goal to annihilate the elderly as they make their way to the Parrish hall.

5. It’s itchy and has a really big tag.

In his defense, the tags do require dissection that leaves a razor blade edge and can stir up a rash within seconds.

6. I can’t go to the bathroom.

Nice pants and a belt turn my middle son into a potential Houdini that is sure to have an accident.

7. People will see my underwear.

Yes, they might if you go out of your way to lift up your very long dress or hang on the monkey bars.

8. I feel like I’m suffocating.

Oh, the memory of my brother pantomiming being forced a slow death by the white shirt, always too small for his chubby neck.

9. They’re too tight.

Yes, tights are meant to be tight or they would fall down.

10. I look like a nerd.

Perhaps, but a well-dressed nerd.