I have no need to justify my poor decisions. I am fully aware that I am a sub par mother and a wimp who is just that, a wimp, a mediocre mind that can’t focus on a prize that seems too far away and lives in the moment, fortunate or unfortunate depending on your perspective.

1. “You get what you get.”

I have tried this. I really have but short of putting a muzzle on people, cleaning up thrown spaghetti or drinking my own pitcher of Pain Killers, I just can’t bear it.

2. “I’m not going to be a short order cook.”

I am a short order cook and it works for me. I know in the long run it would be easier but I can’t live for the future. One day at a time, people.

3. “They’ll eat when they’re hungry.”

Spending time with a hungry non verbal two year old will make you ready to serve a box of fruit loops on a sterling silver tray.

4. “My children eat the rainbow.”

Of course they do. It requires very little imagination on my part to envision crisp cucumbers, beautiful sushi rolls, turkey wraps filled with yummy vegetables. I, on the other hand, am left with my 7 year old daughter’s words ringing in my ears, “I tried a carrot once, when I was three!”

5. “The French have amazing palates.”

Oh my gosh. You hate me.

6. “Think about food in terms of the whole week.”

Two boxes of fruit loops. Two jars spaghetti sauce. Six cans of cinnamon rolls. One jug of kook aid. A half of a carrot.

7. “I plan the meals a week in advance and use the crockpot.”

Of course you do. Am I to act surprised with this obvious tidbit? Like exercise, I know exactly what to do but can not motivate myself. No comment on the mush pot.

8. “My children sit at the table until everyone is finished.”

Now I want to talk about this, seriously. I can’t even sit down until they are almost finished and now that my two year old is in a big boy chair, he eats on the run, quite literally.

9. “We don’t have that type of food at our house.”

Uh oh. Which type? Sugar cereals, processed snacks, frozen treats, meat frozen into prehistoric shapes, fruit canned in syrup? Why even have a pantry, I wonder.

10. “I don’t have time to fix a bunch of meals.”

Do I like I have an abundant amount of time? I do tend to hang out at the playground in my pajamas, I guess. All part of my deviant plan to avoid the grocery store and cooking.