1. That was the flight from Hell.

This is coming from someone who got off the plane last year with THREE full vomit bags (courtesy of the stomach bug.) If I thought being with a fluish Amos was tough, being with a pissed Amos in a confined space took it to a new level.

2. If you are traveling with someone who needs assistance, put on your oxygen mask first.

Before today, I was filled with scorn for the mother who would not save her own child before herself. Ummm, I get it.

3. Internet is the devil.

Amos didn’t get the memo that YouTube is unavailable mid-air even if your mother spends an insane amount for internet and begs the flight attendant to part ways with her own electronic device. Her offer of a snack was vehemently denied.

4. There was a pilot sitting in front of Amos.

This kept me from crying, well, real crying as I did shed one or two tears but then Amos would start kicking that pilot’s seat and I would almost giggle. I would think of United Airlines and I knew that pilot would sooner throw himself off the plane than make a mother mad.

5. As my son Thomas said, “Being on that plane was like death.”

This was his reply to my mother when she inquired about the 1:52 minute flight. I can laugh now.

6. A glass of wine is $8.

I tried to order one, but was told you had to pay cash. If I had been able to get internet, I promise I would have set up a go fund me page.

7. The tiny quiet baby beside us had in earplugs.

Seriously, the mother sitting beside us manufactured spitballs from her drink napkin and crammed them in to escape the Amos howling.

8. Blair and Russell started World War III.

Who knew that a pack of playing cards could cause pinching and crying? I’m still not sure if the joker trumps a king.

9. I am the reason there are still no smoking signs in the bathroom.

Not that I could have extricated myself from the writhing special needs octopus, but I did think that if I could get there and scrounge up a cigarette, I would take the fine.

10. Do not mention super silly shape songs to Amos.

We have abolished them for our family’s survival. We are getting back to basics. Writing a bestseller should be easy peasy.