Dear Lululemon

Dear Lululemon

I went in your store last night.

1. You need a real sign.

Some sort of horseshoe insignia is supposed to attract country bumpkins from eastern NC? How are we supposed to know what you’re selling? I was nervous it was some sort of private club.

2. Your clothes seem very small.

Maybe they are just tight as the salesgirl told me they should be, but I don’t like tight.

3. You only have one size 12 in everything.

One, it has usually vamoosed by the time I make the trek to the big city. Two, can’t you have more than just one size 12? Three, why nothing above a size 12? Modern day shaming for folks that may be a touch rounder than your employees.

4. Why is everything so expensive?

You’ve clearly bought into the philosophy, if we charge more, they’ll want it more.

Damnit, release your at cost numbers.

5. I can’t shop when men, who are supposed to be helping me, look better in yoga clothes than I do.

Men helping me at all when it comes to trying stuff on put me into such a tailspin that I bought everything to try on at home. Perhaps that’s another tactic.

6. You give thirty days to return.

Thirty days? What? It will take me two weeks to unearth that mess from the back of my car.

7. I cannot accept the hemming of exercise clothes.

I have pants from two years ago that have scotch tape keeping them “hemmed.” The offer of sewing made me think what in the Hell am I doing in here?

8. Laundering instructions?

I mean, come on. I casually asked if a shirt would shrink (I had to get a 10 since no 12.) A very small person went into a long diatribe on drying temperature. I have four kids, I said, I need heat to burn up the bacteria from smeared feces.

9. You should have a separate men’s store.

All you are doing are encouraging people like my husband to come in and look around and then have a conniption over the prices. It is difficult to shop in a likely contentious environment.

10. Consider your audience.

There are more of us than there are of you. You know, women who have had a few kids, eaten one too many bologna sandwiches and feel a slight push to exercise again. We need proper signage, bigger sizes, and 90 days for returns.

On a positive note, I did love the concept of the “after your workout” section. However, there were no pajamas.

Thank you,

Mothers Everywhere

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